


One Night You Told Me...

by TheBeautifulLove



Category: K-pop, NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Awkwardness, Confusion, Crying, Developing Relationship, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Romance, i continue to call haechan by haechan, mentions masturbation i guess, talking about sexual orientation of members
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-13
Updated: 2018-10-13
Packaged: 2019-08-01 11:57:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16284179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBeautifulLove/pseuds/TheBeautifulLove
Summary: There is a song by Troye Sivan that goes: “Only fools fall for you...” Mark thinks it’s the opposite when it comes to the vocalist sleeping in the other bed – only fools don't fall for you, Haechan - and although the Canadian can be a little dumb at times, he’s not that dumb.





	One Night You Told Me...

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! So here it is! I don't know -  
> the concept for the story changed  
> like 3 times because at first it was heading  
> towards being a smut but I don't  
> know how to write that so no haha  
> As always everything is fictional and  
> only for the story.  
> Enjoy! :)

On one of their free evenings Mark and Haechan are sitting on their own beds occupied with their own phones. They’ve just watched a movie together and had some snacks and drinks but now they’re just having some separate time. Alone but together. They like that sometimes more than anything else. 

It’s peaceful until sudden noise from the adjacent room reaches their ears. At first, it just sounds like something falling to the floor, few thuds and hushed voices. Mark doesn’t look up from his phone just yet - maybe it’s just a random noise but when it starts to sound... different from before, the Canadian bites his lip and looks up at his friend and roommate. 

When their eyes meet, the younger points with his thumb to the wall behind him, mouthing a silent question: _It’s starting again?_ Mark mouths back: _I think so_. They look at each other for a bit longer, hesitant, until they burst into laughter. 

‘I mean, it’s a Friday night and we had so many schedules lately. We should have seen it coming.’ This time, Haechan says it out loud, smiling and Mark nods slowly in agreement. 

It’s not the first time this happens.

The walls are very thin and the NCT 127’s maknaes’ room just so happens to be adjacent to Taeyong and Jaehyun’s room. There wouldn’t be anything wrong with that except the older boys have recently revealed to the group that they’re in a relationship. 

They were really brave as they stood in front of everyone one evening, the leader more nervous than before their first live broadcast and that’s saying something but Jaehyun just took his hand confidently in support as he began speaking.

*Few weeks earlier*

‘We’re together. Not for a long time, it’s new to us too but we want you all to know and we want to ask for your support.’ 

Silence falls onto the room and finally everyone begins to understand why they’ve been called up like that so abruptly with no notice. All eyes are on Taeyong and Jaehyun, curious, wide, awaiting. Nobody really knows how to react at first.

‘Well, first of all – wow. Second, congratulations guys and third, fucking finally.’ Ten breaks the silence first with a huge smile on his face. 

‘Language, there are minors here!’ Doyoung reprimands the Thai harshly, looking to the NCT Dream members. ‘And what do you mean by  _finally_?’

Ten bounces a little in his seat, clearly excited. ‘I just had my suspicions, glad to know I was right.’ 

‘Well, Taeyong was obvious but Jaehyun... I wasn’t sure about him.’ Yuta adds intrigued and Ten giggles at that. 

The two in question begin to explain to everyone that they fell in love long time ago but would never admit it. Until recently when they argued and the truth came out unexpectedly between other heated words. Some members are more surprised than others, some, like Ten and Yuta claim they’ve seen it coming while others despite their shock are just happy for them. 

‘Thank you so much guys, it means a lot and I promise you that this...’ Taeyoung gestures vaguely between himself and the younger vocalist. ‘This won’t change anything regarding our group, won’t change our dynamic or any other aspect. All we’re asking you for is to be careful to not reveal our secret to the public.’ Their leader seaks seriously and everyone nods, promising they’ll do their best. 

The conversation becomes more relaxed after that, after they’ve cleared everything between themselves. All that time Mark sits stiffly on the floor among the others, only smiles a little from time to time and tries to focus on what everyone is saying but his mind is full of thoughts. 

‘Does everyone understand?’ Jaehyun asks, turning his attention especially to the foreign members but they all nod enthusiastically. 

‘Anyone uncomfortable with this – with us? ‘ Taeyong looks around, unsure. 

Doyoung is the only one to put his hand up and everyone looks at him, worried. 

‘I’m not exactly uncomfortable, it’s just... I grew up in very conservative family and although my views differ from theirs slightly, I’ll probably need some time to get used to this, if that’s not too much to ask...’ the vocalist half-whispers, playing with the strings of his black hoodie. 

‘That’s perfectly fine.’ Taeyong smiles at him. ‘Thank you for being honest.’ Everyone nods in agreement and WinWin who is sitting next to him, pats Doyoung on the back in sympathy.

Somehow the easy-flowing conversation becomes centred around the topic of sexual orientation, which isn’t unexpected but still very new to some of them to talk about so openly. 

‘Well, you all know I’m happily gay.’ Ten states indifferently, munching on his crisps, trying to create a more relaxed atmosphere. 

‘You literally told us that as soon as you met us, so of course we do.’ Haechan rolls his eyes and everyone laughs. 

‘Yeah but none of you ever told me yours.’ Ten says around a mouthful of his snack. 

Johnny sitting next to him, leans into his side, friendly. ‘Well, that’s because normal people don’t usually include that detail in their first introduction.’ The American mocks.

‘I believe that was only to you though.’ Ten defends himself, remembering how we was so mesmerised when they first met and blurted out anything that came to his mind in mixed English and Korean except his actual name.

In the end they decide that since they’re already here like this and they’re so close with each other anyway they might as well reveal that personal detail to the rest. It might bring them even closer.

‘If you don’t want to share it – it's completely fine, just say so.’ Taeyong assures them quickly. ‘Also, all Dreamies except Mark and Haechan – you're excluded from this, you all can just listen to the hyungs but you’re not answering this question.’ 

Loud protests fill the room. ‘Why?!’ Jaemin throws his arms in the air, annoyed. 

‘Because you’re very young and still figuring yourselves out.’ the leader replies firmly. 

‘But I’ve figured myself out already!’ the pink-haired boy argues passionately and the rest of his unit joines into the argument, Renjun the loudest, quickly creating chaos in the room. 

‘Hey!’ The voices quiet down. ‘Fine... you can say it too.’ the older finally gives up and leans his head tiredly on his boyfriend’s shoulder. 

‘Okay, starting from Taeil, going around the circle.’ Doyoung orders, his MC persona waking up in him and seventeen pairs of eyes land on their eldest hyung. 

‘I like girls...’ He begins quietly. 

‘And Winwin.’ Jaehyung snickers and everyone laughs. Taeil glares at him while the Chinese boy in question looks away, shy.

The eldest clears his throat. ‘I love Winwinie but not in that way.’ Everyone smiles. They just love teasing their hyung.

‘I... I don’t know.’ Jisung bites his lip at his turn, deep in thought. ‘I think girls are sexy and alluring but at the same time I think boys are sweet and cute.’ He explains slowly, honestly. Everyone nods in understanding and awe at his pure, honest innocence. 

Eyes focus on the next boy. ‘90% straight and 10% gay.’ Jaemin states confidently like he’s thought much about it before. 

‘What the fu-heck does that mean?’ Yuta questions barely managing not to swear in front of the younger boy. 

‘Okay, let’s not criticise anyone and let them talk freely. Sexuality is complicated.’ Jaehyun reasons and everyone agrees. 

‘Sorry.’ the Japanese apologizes. 

Jaemin explains. ‘It means I prefer girls but if the most amazing, just right guy came along, I wouldn’t be like “Ew, no.”’

Jungwoo shifts uncomfortably in his seat. ‘So, I guess, taking this opportunity... I’m pretty sure many of you suspect that I’m gay...’ his shy, quiet voice resonates against the silence. ‘And you would be right thinking that.’ He finishes, looking down. 

‘Aww, so adorable!’ Lucas half-screeches wrapping his arms around himself in excitement. Jungwoo looks up at him; his cheeks are pink. 

‘I’m glad you trust us enough to tell us. Thank you, Jungwoo.’ the leader smiles at the vocalist. 

‘I feel so much better now after saying it out loud.’ the sensitive vocalist smiles, his eyes turning into adorable crescents.

After a short moment of silence, a heavily-accented smooth voice is heard. ‘As far as I know I only like girls.’ Winwin states softly, a little nervous. 

‘Girls and Taeil-hyung?’ Jaehyun wiggles his brows but then apologizes, saying he’s only joking. 

Everyone’s eyes widen at the next words that leave Winwin’s mouth though. ‘Maybe when Taeil-hyung is dressed as Belle...’ 

It’s obviously intended as a joke but everyone cheers like they’ve just won a music award of some kind. Winwin just smiles widely and Taeil begins to fully resemble a tomato along with his red hair.

‘Kinky.’ Ten comments.

‘Oh, my god!’ Mark exclaims in English, clapping his hands. 

‘Stop exaggerating, Mark.’ The Canadian leans to his right, over Kun to hit Yuta on the arm. 

‘Doyoung?’ Taeyong prompts when the noise dies down a little. 

The black-haired boy looks up, swallows then clears his throat. ‘I’ve had a girlfriend before joining SM.’ Some notice the clever way he’s dodged the question, some don’t. 

‘Ooh, get in there hyung.’ Jeno smiles his cutest smile. ‘Do you still think about her sometimes?’ 

‘Everyday.’ The vocalist nods, trying to act normal but it comes out of his mouth a little choked up and shaky. 

That one word works like a silencing spell on all the boys. They don’t dare to ask for more and it seems Doyoung himself doesn’t want to talk about it either. Jeno’s smile falls and he begins rubbing his hyung’s wide shoulders in comfort. 

‘I choose not to define myself. Whoever I fall in love with I fall in love with.’ Jeno shrugs, waiting patiently for some response. 

Taeyong nods. ‘That’s totally okay, Jeno.’ The rest agrees with that statement. Doyoung gives his dongsaeng a warm hug because one – he’s saved him from painful silence or uncomfortable questions and because two – he likes him a lot. 

‘We already know about Ten, so... Johnny?’ 

The American smiles a little. ‘A very open-minded, straight guy from Chicago, I’m Johnny, nice to meet you.’ The tall boy waves at them all like he’s meeting them for the first time and they all laugh except Ten who whines and hits him on the thigh. 

‘Straight Chicago monster! Yes!’ someone shouts in accented English amongst the chaos. 

Renjun opens his mouth to speak next, looking awfully small next to Johnny on the floor, his legs crossed. ‘Also, straight as far as I know. If anything changes, I’ll let everyone know.’ Giggles erupt at his serious, business-like answer. 

‘Yes, please do that, hyung. My preferred way of contact is an email.’ Jisung wears an unimpressed look on his face and Chenle’s characteristic laughter follows shortly. Renjun rolls his eyes, slightly annoyed but Jaehyun leans over to pat the Chinese boy’s shoulder with a smile. 

‘Me next?’ Deep voice asks in awkward Korean. ‘My whole life I think girls are so nice and cute but then there is Jungwoo-hyung who’s nicer and cuter than any girl...’ Lucas explains slowly gesturing a lot. ‘...So, who knows, man.’ he adds in English and smiles widely while at the other side of the circle, Jungwoo blushes.

Some members cheer suggestively but Lucas looks unaffected, still smiling. 

‘Yuta?’ The Japanese looks up from his phone. ‘You’re next. Put your phone away.’ 

‘I was looking up a word but I can’t find it in Korean. I’m pansexual.’ He says the last word in clumsy English and everyone is staring blankly.

‘Ah, pansexual!’ Johnny suddenly exclaims in realisation and Yuta nods. 

‘What does it mean?’ Winwin asks with scrunched brows and some others murmur in agreement. 

The Japanese looks to his roommate. ‘It means that I only care about person’s personality not their gender.’ Winwin nods in understanding. 

‘Wow, there are even terms like that these days.’ Taeil muses mostly to himself quietly but everyone has heard him anyway. 

‘I’m sorry hyung but no matter what else you say in your life, you can’t possibly sound any older than right now.’ Doyoung declares everyone else’s thoughts out loud.

The whole group bursts into laughter and even the man himself smiles then sighs as if suddenly tired. 

Eyes turn to Kun. ‘Heterosexual.’ he states in perfect Korean even though it’s a hard word to pronounce even for some natives. 

‘Wow, how do you know that?’ Jaehyun asks, curious. 

‘I read it somewhere in a book once.’ He explains with a small, proud smile and the Korean members nod, impressed. 

Lucas raises his hand, looking around, confused. ‘So, what is Kun?’ 

The boy in question translates to Lucas loudly in Mandarin and all the Chinese boys’ faces light up at that. 

‘A confused Thai over here.’ 

‘Equally confused Japanese.’ 

Kun rolls his eyes. ‘I only like girls.’ 

‘But you’re Mama Kun, you should have a husband by your side.’ Lucas jokes and protests break out immediately. 

‘He can have a wife if he wants, it’s his choice.’ Renjun argues. Lucas defends himself saying he was only joking. 

‘Ah, wait!’ The boy from Hong Kong yells suddenly. ‘If there is Mama Kun and Dad Johnny, doesn’t it technically mean he already has a husband?’ 

Everyone giggles while Kun in the corner looks very done with his members, especially Lucas. 

‘Mark Lee?’ 

The rapper looks around with slightly wide eyes, awkward. ‘I like –I mean I’m straight too.’ the Canadian presses his lips into a thin line while everyone looks at him saying nothing. 

Jaehyun snorts suddenly, unable to keep the laughter in any longer. 

‘What?’ Mark asks, confused. ‘What’s with that reaction?’ 

‘No, nothing, nothing. Thanks for sharing, Mark.’ Even Taeyong looks like he doesn’t fully know how to handle the situation. 

Only then Mark looks down and notices he has his left had high up Haechan’s thigh, his whole hand grasping the soft body part while at the same time his nervous fingers are playing with the holes in the younger’s jeans. He pulls away quickly as soon as he realises what he’s been unconsciously doing for a while now. 

Haechan clears his throat. ‘As for me, I’m bisexual. I like both.’ Honey-like, confident voice reaches everyone’s ears. The rest of the group acknowledges the vocalist’s words patiently with encouraging smiles. 

‘What?! You never told me.’ Mark looks to the boy next to him. 

The younger looks taken aback for a second at the raised tone of voice. ‘So? Are you homophobic? Why are you so angry?’ 

Mark looks annoyed. ‘Why are you accusing me suddenly? Of course, I’m not homophobic, I’m just surprised you haven’t told me that before.’ 

‘It’s not like you ever told me you’re straight.’ Haechan fires back.

‘Well, I thought that was somewhat obvious and clear.’ 

Haechan shakes his head like he can’t believe it. ‘Completely clear, just like looking through a window on a bright day, especially when you-’ 

‘Hey, stop now!’ Taeyong holds his hands up, silencing them before the tanned boy says a word too many. ‘It’s getting late, we need to go soon, there is no time for arguments. You can talk to each other later in private.’ The leader turns to the last boy, waiting to speak. ‘Go on Chenle.’ His voice softens. 

‘I’m similar to Haechan-hyung. I like both and I’ve been in love with a girl and with a boy too before. It’s different with each gender but at the same time the feeling is equally amazing. The feeling of love stays the same.’ The NCT Dream member smiles lightly. 

‘Aw, that’s so cute and romantic.’ Jungwoo comments, his eyes sparkling. 

Everyone agrees, complimenting the young boy except two people who are deep in thought.

 The first is Jisung, still replaying the words he’s just heard from Chenle in his mind, shifting awkwardly on the hard floor, cheeks burning. The other is Mark, looking down, heart beating strangely fast, especially when he accidently meets eyes with the boy sitting to his left. 

Soon after that they all leave to their own rooms but not before all the goodbyes and goodnights, which between eighteen people do take some time. 

*End of flashback*

So, just like that everyone is okay with the two being together, truly nobody has any problem. It’s just...

It’s just that no matter how much they think they’re being really quiet, everything can still be clearly heard in Mark and Haechan’s room. Taeyong’s every high-pitched giggle and every lustful moan and Jaehyun’s every soft encouragement and praise send the elder’s way. 

Their hyungs were meant to move to another room, completely separate from the others but with their busy schedules it keeps being pushed for later and later. They’re getting it done slowly – there are neat, cardboard boxes packed with some of their things already in the spare room, waiting, but the couple still haven’t moved. They continue staying in the current room and continue being disgustingly, loudly, beautifully, madly in love. 

The youngest ones don’t dare to mention anything to them though because they understand that it’s normal and right for the older ones to... be intimate sometimes. They know how hard both Taeyong and Jaehyun work for their group and how caring they are to everyone around them. Especially their leader who has twice as much responsibilities as all of them, communicating with the CEOs and managers, often getting very stressed because of it. 

Usually when they hear the noises from the other room, they just put headphones in and listen to music until it’s over. They’ve done that since the beginning. The first time they heard it, shortly after the official reveal of the couple, Mark and Haechan whispered urgently to each other, cheeks burning and eyes wide, deciding what they should do.  

Listening to loud music until the noise from the other room dies down and waiting patiently for them to move to the other room is the very least, they can do for them, they reckon. 

However, this particular evening, there is another problem, Mark realises as soon as he looks around for his headphones. He remembers he’s lent them to Jaehyun earlier today and there’s no way in hell he’s going to their room now to retrieve them. 

‘Do you have spare headphones?’ He asks the tanned boy, sprawled comfortably on his bed. 

He shakes his head in response. ‘No, sorry, the other pair I had, broke recently so I threw them away. I only have one.’ He lifts the white twisted cables in the air and Mark sighs. He reckons he could go to someone else to borrow them but he just sits still on his bed, too lazy to go. 

‘What happened to yours?’ Haechan asks.

‘Jaehyun-hyung has them.’ Mark frowns. 

Haechan shakes his head. ‘Oh, no, no. You don’t want to go in there right now.’ At that very moment a loud moan can be heard from the other side. 

‘I don’t intend to, believe me.’ 

The Korean holds out one of the white speakers to the other boy. ‘Do you want to share mine?’ 

However, Mark just shakes his head and picks up a book from his nightstand. ‘Never mind, I’ll just focus on reading. They’re not as loud today.’ Mark lies down comfortably and opens the half-finished novel. 

‘Okay.’ Haechan puts the white headphones in his ears and plays the music so loudly it can be heard on the outside. 

Mark begins to read; he’s forgotten how good the book was since the last time he read, never having the time to complete it. He finishes a full paragraph, then two more when he gets disturbed. Maybe he spoke too soon saying that they’re not as loud today. Mark tries the next paragraph but he has to read it twice because apparently during his first attempt Jaehyun was being a tease and Taeyong felt the need to whine about it to his lover on the other side of the wall. 

The Canadian takes a deep breath, shifting on the bed to distract himself. He glances to the younger who nods enthusiastically along to the music, unaware of the situation Mark’s found himself in. 

The rapper grips the book hard and forces his eyes to stay glued to the words on the page, refusing his heavy eye-lids to close. He gets progressively more and more frustrated when he constantly fails and when the lewd sounds still echo in the room. The worst is how not only his mind but how equally frustrated his body seems to be. The lower part of his body is not indifferent to the little faint noises and the low voices and the distinctive creaking of the old bed in the adjacent room.

Why is this happening to him? He should be way past the stage where every, even vaguely sexual thing turns him on. Mark’s not a hormonal teen anymore for crying out loud. 

His cheeks are red and his hair is messy from running his hands through it too many times and his lips are cherry red from biting at them too much. He gets up from his bed abruptly, deciding he can’t stay like this anymore. He needs to obtain a pair of headphones at whatever cost. 

Because of the sudden movement, the vocalist’s eyes snap up to Mark’s face. He takes out one headphone, holding it next to his ear. ‘What’s wrong?’ 

‘What’s wrong?’ Mark swallows, a little flustered. He comes up to Haechan and takes out the second one from his other ear, pressing his index finger to his own mouth, signalling the other to listen. 

Haechan, upon hearing the sounds quickly looks down, not saying anything, playing with the white cable in his hands awkwardly. 

‘I’m going to see if anyone has spare headphones that I can borrow...’ Mark half-whispers and the younger nods, not looking up. 

Only when Mark is moving away, he looks up at the other. ‘Hyung...um.’ He stops the Canadian shyly, blinking a few times, unsure, while the other waits. ‘You sure you want other members to see you like this?’ 

Mark freezes when he notices Haechan’s gaze flicker for a split second from his face to a certain place even lower than his hips. He looks down there and quickly decides he definitely does not want other members or anyone else for that matter to see him like this. Mark instinctively hides himself with his hands but it’s too late and the heavy feeling in the air doesn’t disappear even after he does so. 

‘Yeah, um... You’re right, I guess. I shouldn’t go out like this.’ He sits back on his bed and places his yellow pillow on his lap in shame but Haechan is not even looking at him. ‘I’m so sorry, I really don’t know how it happened. I... It’s not that I like hearing it, I really don’t, I don’t know why it happened.’ Mark begins to explain and apologize. He’s so embarrassed. 

The younger looks at him with his lips pressed into a thin line for a moment. ‘Don’t apologize, hyung. It’s natural, it’s just your body reacting, completely normal.’ Haechan says with newfound confidence, trying to make him feel better about what happened. 

‘Yeah, I guess.’ It’s no less awkward though and to add to it, the noises from the hyung’s room are not getting any quieter. Mark feels like his cheeks are on fire. ‘Put your headphones back in, I’ll take a cold shower and when I’m back hopefully it’s all over and we can forget it ever happened.’ His leadership qualities find themselves in time of need and he tries to save the situation somehow. 

Mark is a little surprised when Haechan just rolls his eyes at him though. ‘Stop acting so panicky about it. Sure, it’s a bit awkward because it’s a first for us but as I said it’s normal, I get it. We’re both guys and I won’t judge you.’ 

Mark is thankful to hear that, although a little taken aback when Haechan states it so comfortably, no longer flustered. It doesn’t help that the vocalist is staring right into his eyes as he says it and it really doesn’t help that Mark’s groin is still almost burning between his legs. But the worst still is what Haechan says next. 

‘Besides, I don’t think a cold shower is a good idea. It’ll just make you even more sexually frustrated than you already are and I, as your best friend and roommate will have to deal with your annoying, angry ass all week.’ 

Mark looks at him with wide brown eyes. 'W-what?’

‘Am I wrong?’ The younger challenges. The black-haired boy stays silent and looks down to his hands, resting on top of the fluffy pillow. 

‘Exactly, so how about you go to the bathroom and do what you need to while I put in my headphones? The others won’t hear you either since they’re... too busy.’ Haechan reasons, only the lightest blush remaining on his golden cheeks. 

Mark really can’t disagree with him, so he just nods. ‘Um, yeah, okay.’ 

He still can’t believe this is happening in one moment but in the next he’s already grabbing his towel and sleeping clothes so he can take a shower afterwards, heading to the en-suit bathroom in their room. When he glances at the tanned boy for the last time before disappearing behind the door, Haechan has his earphones already in his ears, laying on the bed, thighs partly covered by black shorts, crossed at his ankles. 

Once Mark finds himself alone in a locked bathroom, for a long moment he just stands there, hesitant, thoughts swimming in his mind but then he exhales a long breath he wasn’t aware he was holding and relaxes a little. His impatient hands grip the waistband of his navy sweatpants and pull it down swiftly to reveal a part of his body that’s even more impatient and waiting. 

The Canadian briefly thinks about how ridiculous this whole situation is and that Haechan is literally few meters away, only a single door separating them, but then he leans on the cold wall behind him and his eyes close on their own, warm fingers where he needs them the most right now. 

It’s almost shameful how quickly sexual fantasies and unrealistic, far from innocent scenarios flood his mind despite the fact they all have so little time for thinking about such things in their busy lives. 

It’s almost bad how easily he can picture hot, full lips on his own lips and a sexy body pressed close to him. It’s almost obscene and definitely very, very wrong. 

***

When some time later, Mark finally leaves the bathroom, showered and relaxed, he notices three things. Firstly, the noises from the other room have finally stopped, only calm silence left. Second, it got much darker outside and the light isn’t on so it’s quite dark in the room. Third, Haechan is no longer in the same position he was in before. He’s now lying under the covers in his bed on the side, eyes closed but the headphones still in his ears. 

Mark walks slowly towards his nightstand and turns on the lamp to be able to see and not to trip over something which is likely since he’s so clumsy sometimes. He looks down at the younger boy and thinks he must have fallen asleep listening to the music. Mark reaches down and takes out the earphones from his ears. He puts it away along with the phone as quietly as he can but Haechan still stirs and opens his eyes slowly, blinking a few times up at the older. 

‘Did I wake you? I’m sorry.’ 

Haechan clears his throat and shakes his head. ‘I wasn’t sleeping, the music is too loud to fall asleep.’ His voice is raspy from not using it for some time and sleepy in addition to its usual soft sound. 

‘Ah, okay.’ Mark walks away and puts a towel on his head, leaning down a bit, he dries his wet hair and pretends he doesn’t feel the other’s gaze on him. 

‘Did you... um... have fun?’ Haechan asks shyly, the opposite of how he was before. 

Mark glances at him from under the blue towel, thinking about his answer. Did he have fun? Yes. Would it be better if it was real and not just a fantasy in his over-creative mind? Yes. He’s not about to tell his friend that though. 

‘Yeah, I needed that.’ Haechan nods twice slowly and Mark continues to dry his hair, pretending like they’re talking about the weather outside. 

‘Good.’ 

And Mark almost chokes on his own spit. 

Later when the older is about to go to bed too, he says seriously and honestly to the boy who’s still not sleeping. ‘Thank you for being so okay with it and not getting weirded out Haechan-ah.’ 

‘Don’t worry about it, hyung. Go to sleep, we have an early schedule tomorrow.’ 

He’s right so Mark climbs into his comfy bed, covering himself with the blankets and adjusting his pillow. He switches off the lamp and whispers a goodnight in Korean to his roommate who answers in English in return like always. 

Mark smiles to himself in the darkness. Every time he thinks it’s impossible to love the younger more, Haechan easily proves him wrong. 

There is a song by Troye Sivan that goes:  _“Only fools fall for you...”_ Mark thinks it’s the opposite when it comes to the vocalist sleeping in the other bed – only fools  _don’t_  fall for you, Haechan - and although the Canadian can be a little dumb at times, he’s not  _that_  dumb. 

***

Mark wakes in the middle of the night; it’s still black outside when he looks to the window. He’s thirsty and he knows there is a bottle of water on the table across the room but the bed is warm and cosy so he decides he’ll get up in just a few more minutes. He closes his eyes again but then he hears a deep sigh that’s not his own. The sigh is followed by frustrated whine in a voice he knows so well; Haechan tosses and turns on his bed repeatedly. 

Mark waits, not knowing what is wrong with the other. Is he having a nightmare or can’t he sleep? Did something happen? Is he in pain? Different thoughts fill his mind but he stays in place, scared to even make a sound. Only when he hears hushed, choked up sobs does he sit up on his bed abruptly and looks to the other side of the dark room.  

‘Haechan, are you crying?’ 

Barely audible gasp and silence broken only by shallow breaths and sniffles. ‘I- I’m sorry, hyung. I’m sorry I woke you.’ 

Without thinking, he gets up and approaches the younger’s bed, worried. He sits down on the edge of the mattress but he can’t see Haechan because the other has the blanket over his head, hiding. Mark tries to pull it away carefully but the vocalist doesn’t let him. 

‘No, don’t look at me. I’m ugly and pathetic.’ 

Mark sighs. ‘You? Impossible.’ He begins. ‘It’s dark I won’t even be able to see you well. Take away the blanket, I just want to talk.’ Mark persuades in a soft voice. 

He waits patiently and soon the material is moved aside slowly; Haechan’s there, hair messy and eyes glossy but he’s still as beautiful as always. Such a liar, Mark thinks briefly. 

‘Hi.’ the brunette whispers in English. 

‘Hi.’ Haechan looks at him, unsure, ashamed to be found like this. 

The rapper’s fingers reach out to fix the other’s hair gently almost on their own and their owner blames this out of character behaviour on his brain that’s been deprived of its much-needed sleep. The younger closes his tired eyes at the touch. ‘What happened, Hyuckie?’ 

The boy forces himself to stop crying and he breathes a little deeper. ‘Nothing. I’m sorry.’ 

‘Stop apologizing all the time and tell me what’s wrong because I’m not leaving until I hear a reason.’ 

Haechan covers his face with his arm. ‘You’re annoying.’ 

Mark laughs shortly, quietly. ‘You love me anyway.’ He says without thinking but when Haechan removes his arm and stares at him sadly, his eyes shining, he grows nervous. He swallows, his throat even drier now than when he woke up. He wants to drink the water that’s still there, faithfully waiting on the wooden table but he doesn’t dare to move or look away. 

Deep down he knows he wants it to be  _the_ moment, he so badly wants it but at the same time even more so he wants to run away, panic raising in him steadily. 

Haechan sits up on his bed, back rested against the wall. ‘You’re right, I do. It’s pathetic, huh?’ He laughs humourlessly. ‘Loving someone so much it becomes stupid, harmful, blinding?’ He looks away. ‘Do you know why of all days today it suddenly hit me? Just how fucked up I am?’ Mark tenses at the harsh word but doesn’t say anything. 

‘When you were in the bathroom, I took out my earphones because I thought I heard someone knocking on the door. It turned out there wasn’t anyone there and I was about to put them back in, when I heard you. I stopped playing the music and put my phone away even though I knew I shouldn’t. I’m disgusting, aren’t I?’ Mark doesn’t meet the other’s eyes, his mind hazy and overwhelmed but among the chaos, there is still one clear as crystal thought –  _no, you’re not at all_. He’s too scared to say it out loud. 

Haechan sighs. ‘The whole world is in love with you Mark Lee. People adore the fierce rapper on stage and the calm, shy guy stuttering on VLives and I’m no exception. But what the world doesn’t see is the frustrated, tired, overworked but still so insanely positive, caring and funny boy that I see every day. So, so incredibly easy to fall in love with...’ 

He sounds so soft, so honest but the words hang heavily in the air around them. Haechan’s always had that dreamy, poetic, lyrical almost side to him and it often amazed Mark in the past but it’s still nothing compared to this. In the middle of the night, the younger is baring his soul to him and Mark can’t find any words that would be good enough of a reply. 

Hearing Haechan talk like that about him, confessing his feelings to him is making the brunette shiver in the cold dark room but after all, he’s wanted this. He wanted a reason, so here it is. 

The Korean continues. ‘I know you think it’s disgusting and wrong and you’re right but I... I just thought you sounded so fucking beautiful, hyung and I wondered what would it be like if  _I_  was the one who made you sound like that.’ 

Another thought that raises above all others -  _but you were._ Mark is screaming in his head and voices none of his thoughts out loud. 

It’s one thing to want something and another to be brave enough to get it. Mark is brave when it comes to work – if opportunities like joining yet another unit or going on a popular show to promote their team appear in front of him, he doesn’t hesitate. If he wants it and it’s within his reach, he’ll get it. Stupidly, he’s not equally brave when it comes to love and feelings because there is no script to follow, there is no gradual steps to success, no structure. That terrifies him. The last thing he wants is to do something wrong, to mess up - the younger is too precious to him to risk it all. 

So, he keeps his gaze locked on Haechan as if he’s afraid the boy in front of him might disappear any moment; everything seems so unreal right now but still he doesn’t speak, frozen.

‘Mark?’ The voice somewhat wakes him from his dazed state.

‘I really wish I could tell you something else right now, Haechan. I wish I could tell you I’ve loved you all along and promise you we’ll be okay like they do in those dramas we sometimes watch but I can’t do that.’ Mark is close to crying but he holds himself back. ‘I’m sorry.’ He exhales heavily. ‘I know it’s all my fault, I’m so sorry.’

Unexpectedly, the vocalist snickers. ‘Still so polite, so sweet.’ He smiles tiredly. ‘If you can’t love me, I wish you’d rather hate me, you know.’ 

Mark feels like someone’s repeatedly stabbing with a sharp knife at his chest. ‘Would you really?’ 

‘Told you I’m fucked up.’ There’s ice in the younger’s eyes. ‘And I guess a liar too.’ he adds helplessly, contradicting himself. 

‘I’m sorry I don’t return your feelings...’ Haechan’s eyes seems so empty but he nods like he expected that and it angers Mark so much. They’re both liars in the end. ‘...but please don’t take my best friend away from me.’

Haechan looks at him with mixed emotions, amongst them Mark recognises confusion and hope. ‘After all you heard, you still want to be friends with me?’ 

‘Always.’ Mark watches as Haechan exhales heavily and looks to the window where the sky is slowly turning greyer now instead of the deepest navy it wore when Mark first woke up. ‘If you still do too.’ At that the younger turns back to him and nods after a short while, his stare softens and he looks more like the usual boy Mark’s always known. 

The corners of Haechan lips lift in a tiny, pained smile. ‘You’re a good guy, Mark Lee.’ 

Out of all the things the other’s said tonight, this hurts the most. It feels like blade he’s felt stabbing at his chest before is now all the way inside his flesh, turning and twisting mercilessly and he begins to feel sick. 

‘You should sleep. We need to wake up early tomorrow.’ 

The vocalist lays back down on the mattress, staring up at him. He looks fragile and strong at the same time. ‘You should too, hyung.’ 

Mark nods, gives him the best smile he can right now and gets up. Mind empty of any thoughts and body switched to autopilot, he lies down in his own, now terribly cold bed and begins to regret everything. 

Tears prickling at the corners of his eyes, the Canadian realises he’s just broke not only one but two hearts tonight. 

***

It’s almost been a week since that memorable night and Mark struggles quietly. He doesn’t know how to be around Haechan sometimes when their eyes meet for too long but he tries not to let it show. That’s the least he can do for the other who treats him the same as before despite his confession getting coldly rejected and tries so hard to return to their old relationship and Mark can’t say he’s not trying just as hard but he’s the only one failing, apparently. 

If Haechan noticed the change in him he doesn’t say anything, patient and ever so understanding and warm. But Mark is still unsure and confused despite the decision he made that night and it shows in his behaviour, he knows. His own behaviour is confusing to him too and it seems not only to him. 

‘What are you doing, Mark?’ Taeyong questions with scrunched brows one day after an intense dance practice. The older asked the rapper to talk to him in private earlier and Mark was surprised for a second but deep down he knew someone would notice at some point. He knew it was coming.

‘Um... I don’t understand.’ He pretends. ‘Did I make a mistake in the choreography?’ 

The leader rolls his eyes. ‘Just stop. You know I’m not talking about the dance.’ He sighs. ‘You and Haechan but especially you, Mark. Did you two argue again or what?’ 

The rapper feels so trapped under the other’s piercing gaze. ‘We’re fine, I don’t know what you’re talking about.’ Mark leans on the wall, his body heavy from exhaustion and emotions. 

‘Fine?’ Taeyong raises his brows, eyes never leaving his face and the younger looks away. ‘You claim you’re fine but one moment you’re suddenly so affectionate to him, hugging and staring at him like your eyes were only made to look at Haechan, to the point I begin to wonder if someone hasn’t secretly swapped you for some doppelganger. What if our Mark is locked somewhere in a psychopath’s basement because this Mark is not the one that I’ve always known?’ Taeyong throws at him and the brunette bites his lip. 

‘Then again sometimes you’re like a walking thunder, frowning whenever he as much as looks or smiles at you. Do I need to remind you what happened two days ago?’ Mark clenches his hands into fists by his sides, something squeezing painfully in his chest. ‘You pushed him away so hard, he almost got injured, Mark. A week before our comeback and he nearly got a freaking rib fracture because of you!’ 

Mark feels so mad and guilty remembering how Haechan tried to hug him and he pushed the younger away forcefully so he accidentally hit his chest on the corner of a large stereo speaker. 

‘You think I don’t feel bad about that?!’ Mark hisses then takes a deep breath to steady himself. ‘I’ve apologised so many times already and he said he was fine.’ 

‘Sure, he said he was fine because he’s strong and mature and doesn’t want to worry the team but I was the one who took him to the doctor and trust me – the large bruise on his chest doesn’t say:  _I’m_   _fine_ ,Mark.’

He knows and he hates himself for it. He loves Haechan so much but he just ends up hurting him all the time. Hurting them both.  _Loving someone so much it becomes stupid, harmful, blinding..._ echoes in his head. 

‘Are you even listening to me?’ The older asks harshly after a long pause.

Mark looks up at the blonde in front of him and nods slowly. The tears beginning to form in his eyes make everything look blurry, so he quickly blinks them away. ‘It’s for the better, hyung. I... I can’t be with him, I just can’t, I- I don’t even know how to love him...’ 

Taeyong’s expressions softens at the sudden confession from his dongsaeng’s lips. He looks sadly at his troubled friend, shoulders dropping regretfully, following a long exhale. ‘Mark...’

‘He’s too good for me, I don’t deserve him.’ The Canadian begins to talk faster, opening up to the other, words he couldn’t tell anyone spill from his lips, the truth at last. ‘I love him and I lie to him and then I think about him all the time until it feels like I might go crazy if I keep at it any longer, then I reject him and hurt him. What’s wrong with me?!’ He nearly screams in frustration and keeps his gaze on Taeyong’s face stubbornly like the other is his only hope, only salvation. ‘Tell me, what the fuck is wrong with me, hyung?!’ 

The leader puts his hands on the younger’s shoulders firmly. ‘Nothing.’ He suddenly pulls the younger rapper into his arms, hugging tightly. ‘Absolutely nothing but what is happening between you two right now can’t go on, Mark.’ The Canadian closes his eyes and leans heavily on his hyung, feeling hot tears running down his cheeks and doing nothing to stop them anymore. 

‘Now, you’re just both suffering and it can’t go on like this and I know it’s scary. It’s fucking terrifying to think you’re here to work, to put everything you have into this team and be someone worth of the fans’ love and respect. Everyday you’re so tired and constantly thinking how to improve yourself, how to be the best that you can... There should be no time for any other thoughts anymore but then at the end of the day he’s always there, in your mind, so much more perfect than you could ever hope to be and you know you’re here to work and not to fall in fucking love but it turns out life has other plans.’

Mark is good with words, people say. He writes beautiful, powerful song lyrics, people say yet Taeyong has just put almost all his worries into a few, short sentences like Mark never could. 

‘You need to decide if you’re strong enough to go after what you want. If not, you need to find the next best thing that you can live with instead.’ 

***

That afternoon Jaehyun is out for some schedule so Taeyong lets Mark stay in their room to be alone with his thoughts. The Canadian stands by the window, admiring the view. Maybe it’s another reason the two are taking this long to move out, he wonders. 

He’s already been here for almost half an hour but all he’s done is stare at the beauty of Seoul in autumn spreading before his eyes, mindlessly. He came here to think in peace but hasn’t yet done any of that because deep down he knows there is nothing to think about. His heart and brain have already made their separate decisions a long time ago. 

It’s just a matter of which he chooses to listen to. 

He moves from the window finally and looks around the room. There are his hyungs’ belongings everywhere. The clothes Mark sees them share so much he loses track of which item of clothing actually belongs to whom. The snacks they enjoy while watching movies - the strawberry jellies Taeyong likes so much and the sweet chilli crisps Jaehyun loves. The single beds put together to create one, covers made nicely - Taeyong’s careful touch. The framed pictures of them both looking so happy, placed on the desk - Jaehyun’s soft sentiment. 

Suddenly, Mark feels so out of place here, so lost. He feels like he’s intruding on someone else’s intimacy, someone else’s happiness. He thinks of his and Haechan’s room. That’s where he should be because that’s where  _their_  things are, their little organised mess as they call it. Just theirs, private, no one else’s and finally he figures it out, at last he knows. 

Mark crosses the space quickly to the door, suddenly in rush. He reaches the living room but there is nobody there. He runs towards the bathroom and around the corner he almost crushes into Taeyong who’s holding a basket full of laundry. He stops abruptly when the leader’s eyes grow big in surprise at seeing the younger. 

‘Where is Haechan?’ Mark asks, slightly breathless. 

‘Um, check the kitchen. Jaehyun bought some snacks on the way home and they were-’ 

Before the other can finish though, Mark is already nodding eagerly and running away, leaving the blonde looking after him, shaking his head, muttering something about idiots in love. He bumps into Doyoung in the hallway but after apologizing profusely, he keeps running. The door to the kitchen is open, Mark slows down to walk inside then stops completely in the doorway to look around. 

Jaehyun and Haechan are still there like he hoped they would. They’re standing at the counter, a range of snacks and sweets displayed in front of them; Jaehyun is eating a chocolate bar while Haechan is enjoying an ice-cream popsicle. 

‘Oh, Mark, do you want some snacks?’ Jaehyun notices him first but the other is not listening, eyes locked on the other person in the room. 

When the vocalist’s eyes land on him, he moves forward finally, still breathing a bit heavy from running. Two seconds later he’s in front of the boy. Without thinking he grabs the ice-cream stick above where Haechan’s holding it and rips the sweet treat away from the boy, holding it in his own hand, away from Haechan’s face.

‘Hey, my-’ 

That’s all that Haechan manages to say, face painted in surprise and confusion before Mark grabs his chin with his other hand and presses their lips together hard. 

‘I guess not...’ Jaehyun answers his own question quietly, amusement in his voice but nobody hears him. 

 Haechan’s lips are cold and wet from the ice cream, Mark feels his own lips tingle slightly due to the difference in temperature. After the initial shock when they’re frozen against each other in the kiss, when they finally begin to move their mouths together in a proper kiss, only then Mark recognises the unique taste of the popular Korean “Melona” ice-cream on the tip of his tongue. 

The brunette remembers clearly the first time he’s had it shortly after arriving in Seoul five years ago; he remembers hating it at first, the strange combination of melon and milk so unfamiliar back then. Haechan laughed at him, claiming he doesn’t trust anyone who doesn’t like his favourite ice-cream. Mark can’t help himself but pull the other closer, remembering that day. 

The movement seems to wake the vocalist and he pulls away abruptly from the Canadian, beautiful brown eyes Mark’s always admired but never seen this close before, staring right into his own. Long eyelashes fluttering; he’d so adorably confused and Mark’s falling in love yet again. 

‘What... what are you doing?’ Haechan moves away and Mark drops his hand from the other’s face regretfully. ‘Is this some joke?’ 

Mark’s thought of what to say to him, briefly, on the way here but now his mind is blank. ‘Joke?’ He repeats weakly. ‘Joke? No. No, Heachanie, no.’ He denies quickly, shaking his head. He glances down to the full lips he’s just kissed then back to the curious, worried eyes awaiting his answer. 

‘I’m the one who’s fucked up, Haechan. I’m the biggest liar too because I’ve actually truly loved you all along just like in those silly dramas we watch and I want to promise you that everything’s going to be okay just like they do too.’ He takes the other’s warm hand in his own hesitantly and he’s so happy when Haechan doesn’t pull away. ‘But, like, in real life, right now, you know...’ He adds nervously at the end and he instantly regret it but it’s too late now. 

How typical of Mark to say something remotely decent then mess it all up at the very end. 

Haechan laughs shortly. ‘You’re so dumb.’ 

‘Hey, that’s hyung for you.’ The older points out of habit more than anything else and smiles widely. 

The tanned boy rolls his eyes. ‘Fine. You’re so dumb,  _hyung_.’ He stresses the honorific. ‘And your ice-cream is melting.’ 

Mark looks to his right hand, still raised up slightly in the air and still holding the frozen, light green-coloured treat. ‘It’s technically your ice-cream.’ Mark brings it to his lips either way and begins to lick at the bottom where most of the liquid has gathered. 

‘Which you stole from me, so now it’s yours.’ Mark smiles, pulling his left hand away from Haechan’s to hold the stick with it while he licks away the ice-cream that has melted onto the fingers of his right hand. He unconsciously begins to suck one of his fingers clean when he hears a sharp, tiny intake of breath from the boy next to him. 

He looks up at Haechan, pulling his index finger out of his mouth with a pop, and the other’s looking at him with unreadable expression. Mark’s cheeks begin to heat up when he realises how it all looks like to Haechan.

‘Do you want some?’ He asks awkwardly, not knowing what to do, holding the half-finished popsicle to the younger. He sees Haechan nod slowly and reach out his hand towards the ice-cream. He thinks the vocalist is about to take it from him to eat but when he grabs the rapper’s wrist and pushes his arm further away, Mark’s eyebrows raise in surprise. 

He wants to ask but he has no time as Haechan’s arms wrap around his neck and lips press to his own again. He doesn’t mind that turn of events, not at all. If that’s how Haechan wants to enjoy his ice-cream, he’s completely fine with that. 

‘Guys, we’ve done all we could for you but there are hungry members here, demanding access to food and I don’t think Taeyong and I can hold them back any longer!’ They separate at Jaehyun’s strained voice coming from behind the closed white door. 

They haven’t even noticed when their hyung disappeared leaving them alone, locking the door from the outside and probably protecting it with his own body from others, truly Markhyuck’s biggest fan. 

Mark looks at the vocalist and smiles, not moving away yet, giving him another short closed-mouth peck, then another.

Someone bangs at the door, startling them and making them jump away from each other. 

‘Open the door right now Jaehyun!’ Taeil’s annoyed, raised voice reaches them and they move even further away from on eanother. 

‘Let’s go. I’m starting to worry for Jaehyun-hyung's life.’ Haechan looks to the door and then back to Mark, who nods.

Mark knocks softly from the inside and soon it opens. Half of NCT 127 is there. Jaehyun and Taeyong’s faces seems expectant and curious at their sight while everyone else’s - confused and unamused. 

‘What the hell were you two doing in there?’ Yuta asks looking between them. 

‘Um...’ Mark starts awkwardly then looks to the rest of the ice-cream he still has in his hand. ‘Eating ice-cream?’ He meant to say it like a confident statement but it somehow ends up as a shaky question. 

‘Right.’ Haechan mumbles next to him and grabs his wrist, pulling the Canadian with him.

They escape, running away from the expectant eyes, giggling like the mature adults they are, leaving the others confusedly staring after them. 

That night they put their single beds together too. Outside their window winter is steadily approaching, each night colder than the one before but between them, in their warm bed, pink cherry blossoms start to bloom. 

The End


End file.
